I dont have the spine to stand for an entire show crushed between a bunch of sweaty people anymore.
Last night I went to see Matt and Kim and Lily Allen at Bowery ballroom.
Chloe was photographing it and J rattlesnake had a plus 1.
I stood in the crowd through the first band whom I have no idea what they were called although my idea is that they should be called "some fucking douche and his stupid party sounds". Luckily they only preverbialy shit in my ear canals for all of 15 minutes. I had been lurking stage left and saw that chloe was more towards the middle, taking photos. I pushed my way through the mass amounts of 16 year old chubby,full print hoodie, wearing, oxy clearasil supporting crowd members and stood with chloe and chatted over some tootsie pops. It was around this time that some kid standing behind me asked if planned on standing in front of him for the whole show because I had moved in front of him and was blocking the view of his 4foot girlfriend.
I loosely responded with something along the lines of explaining the concept of general admission to which he said "or you could just be a douchebag"...I paused..."Yeah I think ill just be a douchebag" I said and turned around. Matt and Kim Started setting up their minimal gear and by the time they started,the real crowd crush had begun (alongside the kid and his gf starting to elbow my in the ribs in an attempt to get me to move out of her site line, which she had already moved into a better spot anyhow. Anyway I wanted to punch him, but it wasnt HIM I ended up punching)
During about the second song, some fucking shit turd in a red sweater decided that he would be "ironic" and stage dive/crowd surf a whole bunch. I was holding a bag and there were about 10 photographers including chloe who had not a free hand to allow him to "rage". This resulted in him kicking me in the back of the head so hard that it put my neck out, and as he was above me my anger coagulated in my every fiber and I decided it was a good time to put as many elbows into his groin as possible...YES I realize I grew up going to shows where stage diving was the norm, but this kid was just being a dick...He just wouldnt stop, even though he knew he was hurting people. Chloe had no free hands so I spent the majority of the set trying to sheild her head and camera from this fuckfaces flailing feet and ass. At one point I grabbed him by the shirt and plucked that turd from the sky. I dont recall if it was this time, or the time that chloe pushed him neck first into the floor that I did something that in Hind Sight was really irresponsible but I was filled with hate and was in pain and spending all my time trying to wrestle captain shitstain away from hurting me further or hurting chloe or destroying expensive camera equipment in an attempt to be "wacky"...While he was on the floor I put my foot on his head and pressed down.hard.very hard...The realization hit me when he didnt get up right away that I may have hurt him incredibly badly but this dude popped back up like he was cruising the angel dust highway or something and just started back at it again. It was unreal. I know im a weak dude, but a wiffle ball to the nuts hurts like crazy!!! so my angry elbows must have! Even someone dropping a magazine on your face can be startling enough to hurt, let alone all 140 pounds of me stomping down on his face. Regardless J showed up around this time and being the giant intimidating lumber jack that he is (he is the guy next to me in the first photo with a beard and knit hat) ended up being able to move this dude around pretty effortlessly so he wasnt hurting anyone.
Now The Stage started setting up for lily allen and the crowd was dripping with sweat and underage males confused about their sexuality and chubby girls with gross humid hair. Chloe and I were about 2 feet from the stage When Lily allen came out. She was less exciting than I had hoped and played the majority of her new record. Anytime she played any of the old songs she seemed underwhelmed to be playing them and didnt even introduce let alone notice that she had a band full of musicians helping her play. That bothered me on a professional level, but hey, thats showbiz?
She closed her set with Womanizer by britany Spears which I thought seemed odd. My hypothesis is that originally that single was slated to appear on lilys new record, but with the reuptake of Cheddy Cruegers (brit-nay's) career they took the song away from Ms Allen. I could be way off base on this one however.
Standing sore and sweaty and happy as a clam, the show ended and Chloe had taken 400+ photos and we found J and his two drunk friends and drove them to greenpoint. One And a half blocks shy of their destination some dude in the back farted so bad I had to kick them out of the car and we returned home to a mass consumption of Ibuprofen and rapid photo editing.
Chloes photos are fucking incredible and need to be seen. They Got published to the blender blog this morning and its a huge deal. Its so pro.
Go LOOK! NOW!
I slept all of 4 hours so now I feel Like this yawning animal.
After work I plan on eating fish, watching a womans movie, and living in a couch fort. Bliss.
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